Conflict is a normal part of our every day lives. In order to make conflict productive, effective, and useful, it’s important to know how to navigate it. To help you change how you perceive conflict, we have created a list of four tips that will transform almost any conflict from an annoyance to an asset.
1. Stick to the facts
When you need to address an ongoing conflict, avoid using phrases such as “always”. These phrases are emotionally driven instead of factually driven, which often elicits defensiveness. Instead, try starting with indisputable specifics so that you are leading an informed discussion of the issue at hand. For example, if someone on your team is struggling with punctuality, try approaching them by saying: “Yesterday, our meeting started at 8:00am and you walked in at 8:30.” By stating facts, you have started your discussion from a logistical perspective and can then continue with how it is impacting you.
2. Own your contribution to the problem
We may not want to look inwardly when we have a problem to discuss about someone else, but remember you are only able to control your actions. Be proactive and check-in with your peers or subordinates by asking: “Could I have been a little more clear in my expectations?” or “Could I have sent a reminder?” Owning up to any contribution you made works wonders for the other person’s frame of mind and willingness to listen to you.
3. Focus on common goals
Perhaps you’re interested in getting a task completed, and the other party is interested in a high-quality product that may take longer. If you’re butting heads, what about looking for common ground? What do you both want? If you both desire to impress the client, you could focus on finding out what matters most to the client and act accordingly. Focusing on that common goal will shift the spotlight off of your disagreement with each other and allow you to tackle the problem together.
4. Listen completely to their side before responding
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there’s a principle that is key for all conflict: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” People listen when they feel heard first, and you’re more likely to influence them when you are influenceable. Take some time to hear their side and really consider it – making sure you fully understand their perspective – before you respond to it.
These tips are just the beginning! If you’re interested in learning more, We would love to speak to you or your group about navigating difficult conversations – set up a time to chat with us here!
Do you have other tips to add? Feel free to share in the comments! I’m here to learn from you, too.